Square One or Two?

Well, I don't even know how to start this post. I had my follow up appointment with my doctor this past Monday. We talked about everything. We talked about a D&C, a sonogram, what to do next etc. We talked for 45 minutes. We decided that we would repeat my blood work to see if my levels were down to 0 yet and go from there. He didn't seem to think a D&C would be necessary since I bled heavily but again we would do labs first.

That was on Monday and I really didn't think anything about it until Friday. So, I called to see what my levels were. The nurse called me back and told me they were over 600! She asked if I could come in for labs then but I wouldn't have been able to make it to the office before they closed. SO, I will go in Monday for more labs. She said my doctor would probably want to do a sonogram so, they will schedule that for me on Monday and depending on the results of that, possibly a D&C.

I just feel so uncertain about everything now. How can my levels not only rise AFTER I thought I had a miscarriage but to actually be within normal limits? It doesn't make sense.

I'm hurt but right now, I'm angry. I spent the last 2 weeks grieving and was finally feeling like I could move on and with one phone call, I'm right back where I was. Not pregnant but not not pregnant. What does that even mean?

For right now, I am simply having to trust God through this. If it's meant to be, I'll have a baby in December. If it's not meant to be, I'll have to move through the grieving process again.

I am thankful for you all my friends and family who have really stood up to support me in this. Your words of comfort and encouragement have been appreciated immensely.

For now, we wait.