In the middle

Doctor update: drew labs. Sono scheduled for Wednesday at 11:20 ( a very inconvenient time for me). My doctor asked me how long I wanted to do this. I told him I wanted to see what this set of labs and the sono said before I made a decision. He said it was completely up to me and he was fine with me waiting as long as I needed. I asked how I could know for sure if this was a viable pregnancy and he said keep doing labs or do a D&C. I said well, if I did that and the baby was fine then I just ended a perfectly fine pregnancy, to which he said yes.

We talked for about 15 minutes. He hates this for me. He told me I'm super brave and a strong woman. I told him I was only brave in his office, at home it's different, ha.

Anyway, for now - I just keep waiting and praying for a miracle. The numbers ARE going up but not like they should or need to. I just don't know if I can determine to do a D&C unless I have to. I think if this is going to end, I want it to happen naturally. The really crappy part of that is the waiting and until then I still have pregnancy symptoms. Ugh. I just want an easy answer, honestly.

I feel like if I decide to do the D&C I will always wonder if it was the right decision. I guess for now I will just pray the sonogram and labs will miraculously show things are normal or that my body will end this on it's own. I need to move on in one direction or another. In the middle sucks.